Now & Then.

I just recently found out that I didn’t get into a university. I’m disappointed in myself but I know that it’s okay not to get in the first time you apply. The hardest part is letting go of all the plans and dreams that I had for my life if I got in. I basically had imagined all the things that I would do and how I would study and how I could make new friends. It’s all gone now and I have to figure out a new plan for the year ahead.

In some way I kind of knew that I wouldn’t get in. I mean I only had two weeks to study for the entrance exams, I didn’t study enough and on top of that I was working at the same time so my chances of getting in were actually pretty low. I still kept believing that I would get in and formed my future life around that fact which, was not a great move to make. I’m just the type of person who wants to live in the dream rather than in the reality because let’s face it, we believe that the dreams are always better than the reality.

Now that I’ve had time to think, I notice how foolish it was to form my future around the fact that I would get in. Yes, it is okay to hope to to have something but not to form a life around the thought of it. This certainly brought me back in the importance of living this moment rather than living in the make-believe. I’ve been studying yoga for a while now and trying really hard to stay in the present moment. It’s hard but I’ve managed to have periods of time when I’ve felt like I’m actually here and I have nothing to worry about but this moment. Then there are moments like this and I lose myself into my dreams and give them more value than I do for my time now.

What is different now compared to before I started studying yoga, is the fact that I noticed I’ve been living in my thoughts and not in the present moment. I did acknowledge that fact which brought me back into the now and hit me hard. Now I feel like I can look at the situation of getting rejected from a different point of view. I didn’t get in but that doesn’t affect my life right now, it’s not like the school starts today. I cannot possibly know what will happen during the following two months and it might even be that something even better than getting into a university comes to my way and I accept it with open arms. It’s impossible to plan my future as I’m not there yet controlling the way, instead I’m here, in control of this moment that I hold in my hands.

It’s too easy to get caught into the dreams and forget what is actually happening around us. It’s too easy to spend the present moment thinking about the future or even the past and live there rather than make something happen when it matters. But it’s also easy to stop. Just stop and look around, catch the breath and really see what is going on. Acknowledge the present, the now, and decide what can I do now rather than thinking what shall I do then. Decide who I am now, not who shall I be then.

 

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